Lean Into the Shit: Why Avoiding Your Grief Is Making It Worse

Let’s Get One Thing Straight

Grief is not polite. It’s not pretty. It’s raw, heavy, and disruptive. It doesn’t care about your schedule, respond to positive thinking, or wait quietly while you “stay strong.”

For years, we’ve been told to push it down, hold it together, pretend we’re fine. But here’s the truth:

You cannot heal what you refuse to feel.

Avoiding Grief Is Still Grief

Most of us were never taught to grieve — only to function. So when grief hits like a wrecking ball, we:

• Overwork

• Stay busy

• Numb out with food, alcohol, TV, scrolling

We smile when we want to scream, host dinners when we want to stay in bed, and say, “I’m okay” when we’re not. But avoided grief doesn’t disappear. It just waits.

Leaning In Sounds Scary

“You have to feel it to heal it” isn’t just a phrase. It means:

• Stop pretending

• Cry in the middle of the day

• Admit you’re not okay

• Let anger rise instead of shoving it down

I call this leaning into the shit — messy, uncomfortable, real. It’s walking through the fire, not around it.

Sheryl Sandberg’s Option B

After her husband died, she said:

“Option A is no longer available. So let’s kick the shit out of Option B.”

She said it from the middle of grief, not from strength. She didn’t run or cover up; she leaned in. You don’t fix the pain, you face it — making space for stillness, breath, one small step forward.

Leaning In Doesn’t Mean Drowning

Leaning in isn’t staying in the dark forever. It’s feeling grief instead of out-thinking it. You sit with it, speak it, honor it — even when it’s ugly or makes no sense. Gradually, you reclaim your life. Not the one you had — that was Option A — but something new, built on truth instead of pretending.

If You’re Ready

If you’re tired of faking strength:

“I’m grieving. And I want to feel it.”

Let the tears fall. Let the memories hurt. Let the silence be loud.

Do this with someone who’s been there — join Study Hall on Tuesdays or take the next step into Processing the Pain of Grief.

This isn’t about fixing you. You’re not broken. It’s about leaning into the thing you’ve avoided — and coming out stronger on the other side.

We don’t bypass pain. We walk straight into it. Together.